I read the comment below today and thought, “Wow! Isn’t that the truth?”
Sometimes I feel like calling myself codependent means I am broken. I am not. As codependents we care very deeply for others. That is an EXCELLENT quality. We think of others first. That is a spiritual quality. In fact the world would be a much better place if more people were as deeply caring and loving as us.
My “problem” (though I don’t like calling it that), however, is that I don’t take proper care of myself. And all the giving becomes exhausting and then I start getting resentful because the people I am giving to are not taking care of me. As I am figuring this out I am progressively and more clearly seeing the illogic in my thinking. They are not responsible to take care of me. That is my job. So it is time to direct some care taking at myself.
And you know what? I am better at taking care of my target than pretty much anyone else. That is one of my greatest strengths! I am in very good hands. And thus, I am proud to be a codependent. I would not want it any other way. ~ R.
When I first realized I was codependent, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I was so broken/damaged that I would never be able to be (act as) a normal human being. I was so mentally and emotionally messed up that my thinking was twisted. Low self-esteem only reinforced that I would never be normal.
You see, I had an idea and expectations of what “normal” was and I certainly did not meet the criteria. However, once I committed to recovery and learning about myself, my ideas/expectations changed. Normal was not an issue any longer because normal is not something I could define. I believe normal is different for everyone. That thought helped me redirect my focus onto becoming the best “ME” possible, not what I or anyone else thought I “should” be.
I love the part where he says, “I am in very good hands.” Truly, if you think about it, we pour ourselves out helping, taking care of, and loving others, but what would our lives be like if we spend even half that effort on ourselves? I can tell you…it becomes amazing! It becomes more peaceful. It becomes more enjoyable. It becomes fuller and richer. And even through the tough times, you will have more strength and confidence.
Take the time today and give yourself permission to think about how you are feeling and what you need and then do something to take care of yourself. You know you would do it for someone else if they were in need (and even if they weren’t) so treat yourself the same way. Who better to do it?
If you’re struggling, you deserve to make self-care a priority. Whether that means lying in bed all day, eating comfort food, putting off homework, crying, sleeping, rescheduling plans, finding an escape through a good book, watching your favorite tv show, or doing nothing at all — give yourself permission to put your healing first. Quiet the voice telling you to do more and be more, and today, whatever you do, let it be enough. Feel your feelings, breathe, and be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can to cope and survive. And trust that during this time of struggle, it’s enough. ~ Daniell Koepke