Just rambling on today…
“Codependency underlies all addictions. The core symptom of “dependency” manifests as reliance on a person, substance, or process (i.e., activity, such as gambling or sex addiction). Instead of having a healthy relationship with yourself, you make something or someone else more important. Over time, your thoughts, feelings, and actions revolve around that other person, activity, or substance, and you increasingly abandon your relationship with yourself.”
Ah, a relationship with myself…If I had only understood that from the beginning, I wonder how different my life would be today. Not that I wish my life was different because I love my life today and who I have become. It took a lot of hard work, lots of pain and many, many changes to become the person I am today and it was worth every bit of it.
It was difficult to figure out how I was supposed to have a relationship with myself, especially since I really didn’t like myself, but here is what I have figured out so far:
I must accept myself for who I am. I cannot try to be who others want me to be or even who I’d rather be. I must accept that I am “fearfully and wonderfully” made.
In the original Hebrew text of the Bible, the word fearfully means: with great reverence, heart-felt interest and with respect. The word wonderfully means: unique, set apart, marvelous. (Darling.com)
God created all of us this way! I’m not suppose to live up to what others think I should be or who I should be. I am unique and required only to live up to who God made me to be.
I need to be grateful for who I am and the unique gifts and talents God has given me. That means that I need to be grateful for my body even though I am over weight and have multiple health issues. Does that mean I don’t have to do anything to change my body? No. I need to lose weight and make sure to take care of my health. Being grateful and accepting doesn’t mean that I do not try to be better.
I need to be kind to myself. I would NEVER tell someone that they are fat and ugly so I need to STOP saying that to myself. I have, in the past, been so cruel and judgmental of myself. I said and believed things of myself that I would never say or believe of anyone else. Why? Because I didn’t know any better but now I do. I give the same grace and mercy to myself that I would anyone else.
I need to learn about myself. What do I like to do? What do I like to eat? What type of music do I like? Oh there is so much to learn! And guess what? I get to decide these things for myself!! For years I was so focused on what everyone else liked or wanted that I denied myself the simplest of things such as a favorite food or color. Today, I know my likes and dislikes and they have nothing to do with anyone else in my life.
I need to treat myself. My focus was always on someone else and what I could do for them to help them out, cheer them up or just show them I cared. I was always buying little gifts or doing things for them but I did not do that for myself. Most of the time I only bought things for myself out of necessity. If I did spend a little money on myself or do something for myself, I felt so guilty. Now days, I treat myself whenever I like and it feels sooooo good!
I have learned that a relationship with myself keeps me centered and allows me to enjoy my life. I don’t easily get dragged into negativity and drama because I know and respect my own boundaries. Life is more peaceful, manageable and certainly more enjoyable because I include myself in all that I do.