My A – Z Codependency Challenge – Z

Zaftig

Well here we are, finally! I can’t believe I made it through the alphabet! I will have one last post tomorrow to wrap up this silly little A – Z challenge.

I was trying to find some Z words that would be different from the normal everyday Z words we use and I came across one that triggered some really harsh feeling within me.

Zaftig – of a woman :  having a full rounded figure :  pleasingly plump

Now I would certainly describe myself as zaftig today and it is true but when I was in highschool, I was NOT! However, years of people telling me that I was “pleasingly plump”, “fat” and “ugly” fed my belief that I was. And when you hold the belief that you are zadtig and ugly you feel like a BIG FAT  ZERO.

I was in my early 20’s when I started gaining weight. One day, when I was about 26, I sat down to make a scrap-book and came across a picture that made me cry. I was feeling so fat and ugly because of the weight I had gained and when I saw this picture, I got angry. I cried. How dare they call me pleasingly plump! How dare they call me fat!

The first picture with me, my step-dad Gary, my mom and Gary’s mother, is the picture I found that made me cry. The picture of me in the red dress is the day of my high school graduation. I know, cheesy smile. It was shortly before my graduation that one of my aunts came to visit and told me, “Terri, you’re too fat! You need to lose weight!”. That comment was like a punch in the gut and I hated her for it. It’s funny because today she constantly tells my mom how beautiful I am, that I have a natural beauty and that I am so kind and sweet. My mom’s response? “Yeah, she’s alright.” But whatever, I feel I have some kind of beauty but it’s the internal beauty that counts to me!

Today I look back at these pictures and many, many others and can see that I am not, nor was I, ever ugly. I am zaftig today but I don’t beat myself up for it, nor do I let it control my self-esteem. I know that my physical appearance does not dictate who I am and who I am is kinda cool (for a 51-year-old)! 🙂

 

 

 

 

15 replies »

    • Thank you JoAnna. It’s especially funny because my uncle is having a 90th birthday party next weekend in Las Vegas where most of my mom’s family lives now. I called her yesterday and told her I wouldn’t be able to come because I couldn’t afford it and she said my aunt is so excited to see me so I have to come. LOL so mom bought me a plane ticket.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. You look great in each picture you posted. One of my sister’s friends used to call me fatso and I wasn’t fat at all. But it worked in my subconscious until I did think I was fat. Something similar happened to my daughter. An overweight girl called my think daughter fat. Until she nearly stopped eating. It took a while to undo the damage that girl caused, but I think she wanted to call my daughter that an ugly word that hurt herself. And my daughter was not fat. She has a super fast metabolism and needed to eat. To this day, she is still skinny.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Janice! Yes, it’s a wonder why we tend to believe the one negative comment that one person said instead of the daily praise and affirmations that are give to us by others. It takes a lot of work to change out thinking. And yes, hurt people, hurt people. When someone doesn’t like themselves chances are they will take it out on someone else. I’m sorry you and your daughter went through that and hope you have both cast off that lie. Blessings on your journey!

      Liked by 1 person

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