I’m leaving this evening to fly to Las Vegas for our family reunion and I am pretty excited about it. I have mentioned in the past that I am not really close to anyone in my very large family. I have never felt like I fit in and have always felt like a failure and a disappointment. However, years of learning, growing and changing, and several months of researching and building a the family tree has given me a new perspective.
I have learned so much about everybody and realize that I am no different than any of them. I have connected with several family members online over the past several months and I am so excited to get to see many of them in person. I do not feel like the black sheep any longer and it is so nice to have people know me.
Want to know the secret? I had to “know” myself first. I had to be able to acknowledge myself as a person of worth and value. I had to learn what my likes and dislikes were. I had to allow the real me to emerge. I had to love myself and accept all my flaws. I had to learn to be real about my feelings. I had to accept that my life will never be perfect and neither will I and embrace the relief that this acceptance brought. I had to learn that I mattered.
These things are life changing! I no longer live to please and take care of everyone else. Yes, I still want to please everyone and I want people to be happy, but I now understand that there is nothing I can do to make them happy and it is not my job. I can be loving, supportive and encouraging but how they choose to feel or what they choose to do is not my problem. I can be there for someone as long it is not at my own expense. When I start feeling that it is, I must be strong enough to back away.
My journey in recovery will never end but it has brought about much change, happiness and peace into my life. I do not strive to be anything or anyone other than who I am today. It’s so freeing and I kinda like who I am today. 🙂