I am at peace with my decision.

inner voice

Yesterday I posted about terminating a client of mine and her email 28 days later asking me to reconsider. As soon as I read her email, I knew what my answer would be but I wanted to take some time to really think and pray if it was the right one. Here was my response and I will tell you how I came to this decision and why such a short response.  

Hi C,

Unfortunately, I will not be able to reconsider.

I wish you much success and happiness!

Terri

My gut reaction to her email was that it was truly not a heartfelt apology. I feel she is desperate to have someone doing the work I did for her and is not able to find anyone who will do all the work I did for her at a reasonable price. She did say that she had been interviewing other VA’s and had several to choose from and I think that statement came back to bite her in the ass.

She did not apologize for the specifics that led me to terminate the contract and she knows good and well what they are. I have learned that when you apologize to someone, you state specifically what you are apologizing for. This shows the other person that you are taking ownership of what you specifically did to cause the harm (in whatever form) to them. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt here because not everyone knows how to do that and they think a blanket apology fixes everything.

I also know that when you apologize, you give no excuses. Her excuse of dealing with chronic mono is one I am not able or willing to accept and here’s why: I deal with constant pain and fatigue every single blasted day of my life. I suffer from Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Neuropathy, uncontrolled diabetes and a host of other health issues. I am in constant pain every single day! I never use my pain or health issues as an excuse to disrespect or belittle anyone, ever!

I feel if she valued our “history and friendship” then she would have stopped her condescending attitude when I pointed it out to her, but she didn’t. That just leads me back to…she can’t find anyone else to do the work for her at the price I charged.

My response to her was short and sweet because I have a tenancy to try and sugar-coat things so I don’t hurt someone’s feeling or upset them. I will over-explain myself and give them all the reasons I can’t do something for them because I want them to understand. I have learned and am trying to practice letting my “no be no” and my “yes be yes” without explanation. I don’t have to give every reason for my decision. I still struggle with this but every once in awhile, I succeed.

I know if I took her back on as a client, I would not be honoring myself and my boundaries. It would give her to opportunity to see that she can manipulate me if necessary and the bad behavior would happen again in time. Where would that leave me? Terminating the contract all over again; something that was not easy to do in the first place. As a business owner, what would that say about me? Why bother with a contract if I can’t even hold to it on my end?

I was going to say, “I feel good about my decision” but the truth is that I don’t feel good. I’m codependent for goodness sake! However, I did what I felt is right for me and I feel peace about it. That is what matters!

Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post! Your insight and encouragement helped me to trust and believe in the decision I was making! Bless you all!!

15 replies »

  1. So wise! I knew you would know just the right thing to do. I especially like the short response. It took me a long time to learn that I didn’t have to explain myself to everyone (and I still forget that periodically).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I definitely think you made the right decision. Aren’t you a former codependent if you are now setting healthy boundaries and making good decisions? I don’t know how it works. But Bravo! Hugs xo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. and here I was somewhat feeling sorry for her with the mono but I do understand not an excuse but I do wonder how well she understood that – however, having said that I do understand where you’re coming from but I do also understand her desperation, having somewhat found myself in a similar situation with a book project I was working on; I, too, found someone willing to do it at a much cheaper price than anybody else I’d found; however, just like with anybody else, they also wanted it in a format I didn’t have and I knew that and was fine with not being able to do it with anybody until I was able to get it in the proper format; however, this particular person offered to have me go ahead and send it to him in the format I had for him to look at it, which was fine, although I told him at the time I did not expect him to do anything with it like it was but he wanted to see it anyway so I sent it to him and then he proceeded to go ahead and do the work with it, without permission, I might add, although, hey, that was on him, and without a contract – maybe he had boundary issues? – was I wrong to let him go ahead? – not that I could stop him

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You and I both have chronic fatigue, arthritis, neuropathy and chronic pain.
    The doctors, physical therapist and orthopedic specialist all told me that the stages of arthritis I have at various parts in my body are about 20 years past my age.

    I have to wonder what effect certain mental and emotional traumas have on the body.

    I have seen other people with similar combinations of physical deterioration at ages younger than it should be.

    As far as the client, you are right. Apologies should acknowledge what they did to hurt you and also acknowledge that they hurt you or crossed your boundaries in some way.

    Otherwise it is just an Im sorry ..in order to get something from you.

    Liked by 1 person

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