Straight up rambling tonight…
It’s been a long and windy road to get to the place of peace I live in today. I love my life and I love who I am today. Yes, there are days when my life is a bit chaotic and unsettled and times when I feel I am back-sliding into that place of low self-worth/self-esteem, but I am able to recognize it and work through it much quicker than I use to.
I know and believe with all my heart that God has a plan for my life. What that plan is, I don’t know but He does and I don’t need to. He is the one that has lifted me from the pit of hell and filled me with His love. He did this by placing amazing people in my life all along the way; people who believe in me and build me up, people who truly care about me and my well-being and people who are trust-worthy, kind, loving and real.
For most of my life, I have only had a handful of friends. When I was a child, my stuffed animals were my friends. Throughout my teen years and young adult life, I had only a few. When I say a few, I mean a very few. Today, I am blessed with so many true friends, my head spins. The truth of the matter is that I sometimes worry that I don’t know how to be friends with this many people. I know that might not make sense to most of you but I hope someone gets it.
I look back at the pain and suffering I have been through and realize, He removed those people from my life because He loves me and knows what is best for me even when I think I know what is best for myself. I went through these trials because of the choices I made in my life, not because of anyone else. Through every one of these bad/wrong choices, He has led me to new understandings and has allowed me to grow in so many ways.
Don’t get me wrong, He did not just lay his mighty hand on my life and stop the insanity. There were things that I had to do; things that He required of me. Decisions I had to make and steps I had to take. It was not a miracle that happened over night. It was a journey, a road I walked for a long while. Each step of that journey was filled with decisions. When I made the wrong one, I kept walking, burdened, discouraged, afraid. When I made the right ones, things started to fall into place and each time I made the right decision, I would be at peace.
Look at where you are now in your life. Are you at peace? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get there? Be still and listen. Think. Believe and trust in yourself. LOVE and RESPECT yourself!