One of the most frustrating things for a recovering codependent is to watch someone, who knows nothing of codependency, dance the endless and exhausting dance. It doesn’t matter how much you explain what is happening on the dance floor, because you are all too familiar with it, they still dance. Once again reminding me, that I cannot save anyone from the self-inflicted insanity of the situation they are seemingly lost in.
I understand the “dance”. I was stuck in it for most of my life. On occasion I still do it and I could give you a multitude of excuses:
- I want to be heard
- It’s not fair
- I feel like I have to defend or stick up for myself
- yadda, yaddda, yadda…
The truth is, keeping my mouth shut, minding my own business, and thinking about my sanity and peace of mind are sometimes hard to do. I have managed over this past couple of months to do exactly that. I have not danced at all. I have set my boundaries and stuck to them and let the consequences fall as they may.
Sadly though, I have a friend who is so deeply embedded in the dance right now that she can’t see it for what it is; straight up manipulation and control, not only on his part but hers as well. I know it is not my job to fix her, though I do find myself getting frustrated from time to time because I know what is going on and I know how to stop it. All I can do is offer her my experience, perspective and suggestions and the rest is up to her. It’s none of my business…It’s not my problem. Still sad to watch though.
If you wonder what the “dance” is, read this article or watch the video below.