I was reading through some post on other blogs and came across this one, Geographic Relocation and Codependency, which made me start thinking. I have heard many people say how much they hate this place (whatever place they live) and want to move and start over. It amazes me when someone says, “The people here suck!” or “I hate this stinking town!” or “I need to move to (wherever) and just start over”.
The truth of the matter is that there probably really isn’t anything wrong with where they live or even the general population there. Not everyone in that city/town “sucks”, I’m sure. Not every problem they have is because of where they live or the people of that area. The problem is them, their attitude and their outlook on life. Now don’t get me wrong, I can understand if someone needs to move because of domestic violence issues or job scarcity, or whatever other valid reason there may be, and there may be many, but generalizations, such as the ones above, are not valid reasons.
I have often times wanted to get out of town and take a break, a mini vacation, to clear my mind or just get away from the stress and chaos for a few days, but I never wanted to up and leave for good, thinking that would make my life any better. Ok, this has nothing to do with wanting to just end it all and leave this life for good. That’s for another time. This is about surviving and thriving where you are planted!
Here’s what I think about geographic location and codependency and I am going to use this in the first person as to not offend anyone (I hope).
Until I am able to lead a healthy life and love and respect myself, nothing is going to change no matter how far away I move. Sure people have hurt me, both emotionally and physically, and yes, I may need to distance myself from those people, but running away is not my answer.
- I need to learn to love and respect myself and not allow others to treat me in unhealthy ways.
- I need to learn how to set boundaries and stand my ground.
- I need to learn to detach myself from unhealthy people.
- I need to start taking care of myself physically and emotionally.
- I need to focus on the positive things and positive people in my life.
- I need to appreciate what I have and acknowledge the blessings in my life, not the burdens. Yes, I have to deal with the burdens but I do not have to let them consume me.
- I need to start doing things I like to do and if I don’t know what that is, I need to start trying things to find out what I like for myself, not what someone else likes.
- I need to learn how to relax and just sit in the moment and appreciate the beauty around me. If I live in an ugly neighborhood, I always have the beauty of the sky or the song of a passing bird.
- I need to do things that get me involved in my community. Meet people, help raise money for a charity, enjoy a car/craft show. Just get out!
- I need to know that I deserve to be happy and healthy but only I can provide that for myself.
- I need to quit playing the victim and start living my life the way I want to!
- I need to bloom where I am planted!
As difficult as some days may be, I have the opportunity to focus on the positive or wallow in the negative. At times it’s a challenge to get from one attitude to another but I manage to do it. Sometimes it takes me an hour or two, or sometime a day or two, but I CAN and DO change it. It’s not up to anyone else to do that for me, just as it is not up to me to change anyone else’s. I can try to help them refocus on the positive things in life but I cannot change their attitude for them.
So, if I think moving away to some distant place will turn my life around, I am wrong. My attitude and outlook will follow me where ever I go.
That’s my two cents on the subject; take it for what it’s worth.